Monday, April 19th, 2010
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10:23 am - I can see through you
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Sometimes I just want to yell shut the fuck up.
Because I see through what you do, & how you are.
I know more then you think.
& I won't play the fool like you need me to.
Stop.
Or forever hold your peace.
Cuz I'm poisoned at the heart, & you just keep pushing the barb deeper.
--Jennifer
current mood:  sick
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, April 17th, 2010
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8:57 pm - Imma PokeMon Masta!!
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Wednesday, March 31st, 2010
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10:22 pm - Well.
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Selfish, maybe.
I feel betrayed.
I feel excluded. Mad. Upset. Sick to my stomach.
I want to complain & be mad & get it all out.
But that's not really an option.
It's nobody's fault, not mine nor anybody else's.
I have problems with being the only responsible one. Or at least feeling that way.
I do the bills. I'm going to school full time. I'm working part-time. Sacrificing what little bit of a social life I had to study or just out of respect.
But you see.. I'm in a bit of a conundrum.
Where as, most people could be bitter & get it out of their systems, I have to be face to face with it on a daily basis. Mike wants me to just "get over it" because he can't fully comprehend how I feel. Nor will he.
I don't know. I'm sick of shit, but I'm happy for my friends. I wish I could have known so I could brace myself with this. You know, jolt of energy.
& now I get to go to bed angry. I don't have anybody to talk to. Specially anybody that's awake or has the ability to care as I bitch about nothing.
I see now why shrinks make so much money.
Done.
--Jennifer
current mood: sick
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Wednesday, January 13th, 2010
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5:24 pm - Sex is for the freaks..
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&, in the 4 years of doing it, I can honestly say I never get tired, never can honestly say no, & I have yet to learn all I can learn.
=D.
Life is busy. But thats ok.
Wedding planning.. & school..
Which I only have four + months of.
I'm so hoping to get a job in town.
& I'm hoping my car can last until May.
Life is a crackin'.
Oh, & my defunct little brother in law lives with us now. But he's an ok kid. =) I'd rather have him here than anywhere else.
current mood:  artistic
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, January 5th, 2010
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12:08 am - Really, truly..
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I wish you had as much happy faith in my future
[& in our future]
as I do.
I only have 5 months left.
Support me.. & keep me up.
Cuz sometimes I want to be negative too.. but I need you to have faith. This is for the betterment of us....
Sometimes I feel like I ask too much.
--Jennifer
current mood:  disappointed
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, January 3rd, 2010
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11:50 pm - I'm gonna hope for you, I'm gonna pray for you...
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Wedding planning.
Guest lists, location options.
Dresses, decorations.......
Photographers.
5 months left of school.
A car thats about to die.
A love that keeps me going. [♥]
Great living arrangements.
The best friends & a band that clicks & actually practices.
Love & Music..
God, stay with me, cuz 2010 sounds like it'll be an amazing, busy, & powerfully meaningful year.
Music Junkie,
Jen Almighty
current mood:  excited
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009
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10:15 am - Heave above, help me.
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I don't mind so much having a bunch of shit to do, to work on, & to be busy with. This is the year of all years, my year of 2009-2010.
I'm in school for surgical shit, I work graveyards at the nursing home, I take care of the house, I'm a lead guitarist in a band, & I'm planning a wedding.
Yes, I do not mind these things.. although one can seem over-whelming, & then the 3 put together just kind of suck.
Seems as of lately that I suck. Yeah. I get the idea that I'm not good enough. Either I'm not "applying to full potential" because I got an 80 something on my test, or I'm not perfect at certain metal techniques... I'm the reason the band hasn't progressed. Which is bullshit, by any means. But if your looking for a scapegoat, take on me. The house looks like a mess sometimes. Chuck & Mike do what they can when I ask.. but Mike knows better then to not throw his shit away & move the extra 2 feet to drop his clothes in the hamper rather than the floor. Things with the wedding.. ha. They seem to be happening, but not. We're both still excited.
Just.. blah.
I'm not looking for constant reassurance. I'm not expecting to be absolutely amazing at everything. But I'm trying.
I guess I just need to try harder.
--Jennifer
current mood:  apathetic
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, November 14th, 2009
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6:38 pm - H1N1 suck a cock..
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I got my vaccine today for the dreaded piggy flu.
I feel drained now.. which could be a side-effect of just the effects from stress.
I feel like I bitch too much sometimes. I feel like you should help me without me having to nag so much. I love you regardless. I feel sick to my stomach & tired of being blah & out of shape.
I just want to feel good.
--Jennifer
current mood: blah
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, November 11th, 2009
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12:31 pm - Singe Me Deep
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Michael & I got our palms read last night.
My love life is long. My health life is strong.
I'll die supposedly around the age of 47-53. Sudden death.
Michael lines were the same. His health line sucked though, but his diet = shit.
His death line is around the same time & everything.
Supposedly, we're Soul Mates, due to similarities in life, love, & death.. as in almost identical.
I'm not a palm reader, but I could have told you that. =)
Today's Veteran's Day. I slept in & ate captain crunch & I'm watching Matilda. Our old matress is in the living room because Geara popped our water-bed. So we're draining/fixing it & camping out in the living room.
Life is good.
& I'm so excited about planning the wedding.
XD
--Jennifer
current mood: cheerful
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, October 31st, 2009
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1:25 am - Shaka shaka!!
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People need to communicate more
& talk shit less.
End of story.
Oh, and btw, get over yourself.
Arrogant prick. =)
--Jennifer
Pee Ess, I love the positive people in my life, & I know that I wouldn't be too much without them. Thanks again for being awesome <33
current mood: cheerful
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, October 27th, 2009
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9:17 pm - Got that double vision..
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Submerged & below the surface
I see your reality in opposites
Topsy-turvy tilt a whirl
Yea yea!
Life is good.
Muy bueno, if you will.
We have our own place, finally. & we have a roomate, Chuck, & Gear's with us & school's hectic as always, but my grades are decent enough.
The wedding's in less than a year & despite the worries from both parties, we're better then ever. Solidity in what we have is amazing.. & finally feeling it, from both of us, confidently & with no hesitation... it's relieving.
Communication, connection, trust, Love.... tell me you have none of those or are missing one & I garuntee your relationship feels like it's missing something or has something you both need to work on. No relationship is perfect, and no relationship will have all of these at all times.. but if you go extended periods without something, it will be rocky & headed to badlands.
I've learned a lot, & I know there is more to come, but together we can handle anything.
Love & Music,
Jennifer
current mood:  Eviscerate!!
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
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8:31 pm - Shelter me from the storm...
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People have opinions. I don't agree with them, and they probably don't see much logic in mine.
Some discrepancies from others I feel may be due to jealousy, some maybe from not understanding, or maybe comprehending, how good this relationship truly is.
I know what I want. How real I feel, and how much things are right when we do what we do.
Eternity may seem like a long time, but it will feel so much longer & lack luster if I don't get an eternity with him. He feels the same.
& if 2 people feel so right with something, if they are certain that there is no other path wanted, then what's wrong with making it real?
Youth may be wasted on the young,
But people rarely do what they have to in order to be happy.
I may not be old, or overly experienced in life,
But I do know who I love, who I want, & how I want it to be.
Adieu.
current mood: grateful
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(comment on this)
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Friday, October 16th, 2009
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1:38 am - My answered prayer..
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Mon amour.
We are complete. Reality & rationalization is an amazing thing.
I love you with my entirety.
--Jennifer
current mood:  loved
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, October 14th, 2009
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11:35 pm - No one will Love you like I do..
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Pray for us.
please.
I hate October, particularly the 12th/13th.
God, I need sleep.
--Jennifer
current mood:  exhausted
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, September 28th, 2009
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7:01 pm - Ode to Complication
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Your solid body against me
Silver chords on your neck
Electricity flows from me to you
& I can't be sure
Who controls who
I love my guitar.
Life is getting better. Hooray for learning to live & let live.
Although I can say I'm not proud of where my thoughts drove me at one point during last week. It's been long enough & those demons do not need to come back.
Once again, God gave me my breath back.
& he filled me with peace. I know what happens will happen regardless.. so it's not for me to worry about. Just to do my best, work with my flaws to better myself.. constantly find something to work on & just enjoy life.
Much adieu about Me,
Jennifer
current mood: creative
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, September 27th, 2009
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3:14 am - Pssst.. hey
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Icy blues..
yeah, you. =)
You're my everything
& I love you
--Me
current mood: Amorous
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, September 26th, 2009
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4:54 pm - Fuck if i know.
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Wish I was good enough.
Could be enough.
Wasn't so morbid sometimes.
We all need a little cynicism though, right?
Wish I'd get a reply.
I need some soul to soul connectivity.
Help me,
For I've fallen to deep
To ever want to get out.
--Jennifer
current mood:  devious
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, September 24th, 2009
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2:32 pm - Suicide is painless..
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It brings on many changes
& I can take or leave it
If I please.
**************************************************************************
Have it all your way.
Have the sky, moon, the demons too
I'll be here waiting
Holding breath, turning blue
I wish nothing more
Than to be for you
I'd write scripts for all eternity
If it meant no farewell or adieu.
I cannot promise the sun will burn forever
But I'll hold your hand tight
Letting go of everything never
As any dark encompasses day or night.
**************************************************************************
God gave me breath again last night.
--Jennifer
current mood: Thoughful
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, September 20th, 2009
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11:45 pm - Heylo? How low?
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If wanting something hard enough could make it happen
Wow.
Who knows how life would be then.
It's all for a reason.
& I have faith in that.
Just like you have faith in me
& I hold just as much in you.
Let's pretend I'm made of porcelain...
I may not be as beautiful
But be careful.
I feel just as fragile.
In Adoration Always,
Jennifer
current mood:  thoughtful
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, September 15th, 2009
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7:51 pm - Special like you...
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I'll be as open as you need
Push me
Bend me...
I've been bent backwards many times before you
Far more farther, far more painful...
& yet I live.
So stretch my limits
Test my soul
& do what you will.
It's worth it in the end.
current mood: artistic
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(comment on this)
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